Under a cloud

I’m currently a bit stuck under a dark cloud. I had a severe episode almost two months ago and I’m working with new medication at different levels. Some days I just haven’t got the enthusiasm to get out of bed. I’m not a morning person anyway but these meds make me not only not a morning person but not an evening person either! I’m ready for bed by nine pm! I have had to face up to the fact that I will always need a level of medication, which really as a self-confessed beacon for mental health, shouldn’t be a problem. However, at the end of 2013 with the guidance of a psychiatrist, I decided to go meds free. Madness! I was well and yes, a lot less foggy, but I ended up having a huge meltdown just before Christmas 2014. Not nice for anyone close to me or for me. Being ill pulls me in all different directions emotionally; I feel sad, angry, guilty (don’t ask!), a whole whirlwind of emotions. As well as being on Olanzapine I am also taking Depakote which has a very high risk of causing birth defects so I had to sign a waiver saying I would not try for another baby at this time. This has made me think a lot about my long term family goals and whether or not to have any more children. I want to be the best mother and wife and person I can be, so for now I will just be working on being well and stable. Today has been a good day as I made it to yoga 101 and did some chores around the house. I find small tasks help me keep focussed throughout the day.

3 thoughts on “Under a cloud

  1. having to face the hard facts is never easy, but the people who love you will help and support you my love, slowly, slowly catchie monkey as we used to say!

  2. Well done for blogging and doing yoga. It sounds like you are taking control and making positive steps. The cloud will lift soon and there’s sunshine ahead.

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